mom...Mom....MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I read MANY entries on Facebook from happy mama's everywhere "SO EXCITED" about having their kids home for Winter Break ... I felt a silent dread in my own heart.  Which, is quickly followed up with a healthy dose of MOM GUILT for not being excited to have the kids home ALL.THE.TIME.

I wash away the guilt with resolve to make the very best of this time together.  To focus, to be a cool mom and to say YES to things I might be prompted to say NO to. (games of Uno, Shoots & Ladders, sledding, unique crafts, etc)

The first week of Winter break was frought with two things 1)busyness of Christmas, travel and company and 2)fighting.  The kids were at each other a LOT and Noah gets in his fair share of scuffles now too.  He does NOT back down.  Arguing, disagreeing, fighting and a lot of yelling "MOMMY!!!!!!"  It gets old, fast.  We went sledding ... and a teeny bit of ice skating (sans skates but getting our "skate feet" on)

I'm not sure if it is MY kids or kids "these days" or simply the ages of my kids right now ... but nothing is EVER good enough.  And that feeling is miserable for a mama.  You put so much energy into getting places, gathering things, documenting it, having fun in the moment and keeping the kids busy.  Only to leave and have my kids say things like "what next?"  or "is THAT all?"  or "that wasn't fun at ALL."  Or the worst one over break from Luke when after leaving a play date he asked if we could do to Pump It Up (jumpy place) and I said not today .... "you are a BAD MAMA!!!"  Nice.

It doesn't make me wanna jump up and go do it again.  But at the same time, sitting here staring at each other doesn't work either (do I have the ONLY kids that are over their toys already?).  Taking the time to do something, even as tiny as the YMCA, is a sanity break that we all need ... even if walking out to the parking lot I'm practically dragging my whiny kid who thinks I'm the worst mom on the planet for not giving him money for the vending machine.  Aye.

So I build forts and play Uno and Chutes and Ladders.  I organize jammie days and movie marathons.  I watch ballet recitals, suggest 100 different things to play with and build train tracks.

I love having them around.  I love being with them.  I love watching them grow up and being a part of that every day.  I never hesitate to be grateful for that.  However, I do not like the whining, begging, crying, fighting, nothing being good enough, entitlement and dramatics that come with all of this bliss!

On Monday you likely won't read "so sad to send my babies back to school!"  And you won't read "hip hip hooray my babies are back in school!"  What you MAY read should I decide to post that day is ... "ahhh, back to normal.  I like normal."  And I may or MAY NOT be smiling after drop off when I'm down to only one kid.  Just sayin.

Happy Weekend friends.

Comments

[monica]

HI! Two things... LOVE the blog face lift! And I could SO relate to this post!! I head back to work on Monday, maternity leave is over. =( I have such mixed feelings about it. Terribly sad to leave Gio. Yet, excited to get back into a new routine but feeling terribly guilty about saying that! (The whining drives me INSANE too.) Ugh.

This post reminded me of a story a friend told about the first day of school in August... as many moms of new kindergartners were wiping away their tears after drop-off as they headed back to their cars, a mom with older kids was walking across the parking lot singing to herself, "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." Made me laugh.

[Mama]

And there you have part of the reason I worked outside the home! You have WAY more patience than I do. As much as I love all my kids, I sincerely believe I was a better mom because I wasn't with you guys 24/7. I can't express how proud and awed I am by you!

[Kyme Conway]

Campbell has been SO sick this last week. I have been freaking out and taking him to the Dr., Er, whatever it took. I kept telling them that he had to get better and secretly inside I was thinking he has to get better because he starts preschool again on Monday and I NEED him to go to preschool (and I really would like for him to get better)!

[gabby]

i LOVE you.
so much.
xoxoxo.